


Boy's Don't Cry

by beautylikethenight



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Eren dies, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, another ocean fic, bc they're the only remaining members of the special ops squad and it hurts my heart, idk if this is angst or not, platonic ereri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7380610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautylikethenight/pseuds/beautylikethenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Eren should be here.”  </p><p>Those were the first words spoken by anyone in the group who had discovered the Ocean again.  </p><p>(Or, they reach the Ocean and Eren isn't there to see it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy's Don't Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I wrote this a while back and have been debating whether to post it.
> 
> I haven't written fanfiction for a while so I'm apologising in advance if it's terrible.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for the feels.
> 
> (Not really that sorry, though. I'm emotionally sadistic.)
> 
> The title is a song by The Cure because I couldn't think of a title, and then I listened to the song, and it sort of fitted the story, in a weird way.
> 
> P.S. I'm sorry for all the awkward wording in this. I'm an awkward af person.

They had finally made it. 

 

After years of trials and tests, death and destruction, hope and hell – they had made it. 

 

They were no longer meaningless little humans, trapped in the rotting cages of the walls, no, they were free people now. Their years of fighting a seemingly hopeless war against the mindless monsters who enclosed them over a century ago…was finally over. 

 

The soldiers that fought and survived were the first to be freed. The first humans to smell the sweet scent of true freedom. They had more knowledge of the world outside the walls, after all. They were no longer teenaged boys and girls; before they were rookies who did not understand the horror they had signed their futures away to. Now they were grown men and women; their robust bodies hardened by muscles and calloused skin, after years of living through this nightmare. 

 

The vast body of water that stood before them was evidence of their liberation. 

 

None of them could have imagined it to be like this. Not this big. Not this unpredictable. Not this beautiful. A soft breeze carried the salty scent of the sea, so much so, the could almost taste the salt by breathing. They stood in awe watching the waves charge towards them, then reach their end as they crashed upon the golden sand, creating one of the most entrancing sounds. The waves kept coming, only to die upon their golden destination. It reminded them of the war in a strange kind of way, they charged mindlessly towards the enemy in the name of humanity, knowing they would most likely die, but they did it anyway. They survived though; the others didn't. And now they were here. The Ocean. It was more terrifying than any titan could ever be; titans could be destroyed, the Ocean couldn't. 

 

“Eren should be here.” 

 

Those were the first words spoken by anyone in the group who had discovered the Ocean again. 

 

The words came from a small blond boy, but he was no longer small, nor a boy. Armin was now a man as he stood before the wilderness of water. He was significantly taller than the when he first enrolled, his shoulders broader, muscles much more defined, golden hair reaching his shoulders, a concrete set poker face almost always plastered his features. But the loyalty, love, kindness and newfound courage behind his sapphire eyes had never once faltered. True, at times he felt weakness, his mask would slip and shatter, but someone always helped him piece it together again. 

 

That someone was Jean. Jean was even broader than before, with his two-toned hair styled shorter, and his ever-charming smirk paired with his deep hazel coloured eyes: a look that could win over just about anyone. Jean was always there for Armin. Whatever the time, wherever they were, Jean would be there. 

 

Armin had once seen himself as a burden to his closest friends, and thought he should not worry them with his issues – they had issues of their own, after all. One particular night, when Armin’s mask had broken beyond repair, Jean had found him. Comforted him. Held him tight until all his problems, and fears, and anxieties spilled out into the open. Jean listened. And when he'd finished listening he continued holding Armin as tightly as possible. Jean made Armin feel safe and reassured. Armin made Jean feel alive and somewhat content. 

 

This routine continued. Every time Armin was distressed, and felt like he couldn't trouble Eren or Mikasa – which was most of the time – he turned to Jean. In return, Jean turned to Armin, much for the same reasons. Jean could be insecure around Armin, he could trust him, rely on him, be comforted by him. 

 

Slowly, their relationship shifted. They shared lingering glances, longer embraces, their hands brushed too often to be ‘just friends’. Eventually, they made the dangerous mistake of falling asleep locked in each others embrace after Armin had shown up outside Jean's door one night, on the verge of tears. Their mutual, unspoken desire to wake up holding each other every day was without eventual consequence, surely. A soldier owed their life to humanity. They had already given their hearts to the restoration of mankind, it was impossible to then give their hearts to another person. Especially since they may not make it to see the day's sunset once they get up in the morning. But Armin and Jean, deep down, didn't mind that, as long as their last day began by staring at the others face. 

 

Their love became apparent after that night. That night of pure, blissful slumber. People would have gotten the wrong idea if they said they had slept together, so they never mentioned it. Mikasa noticed Armin was acting differently, though. Before Armin had, really. Despite her stone-cold appearance and distant character, Mikasa knows a lot about love. It intrigues her, especially when it's her blond-haired brother. And of course, Eren then found out. Eren being equally, if not more, overprotective of Armin than Mikasa was. Armin was their best friend and they considered him their brother, so naturally Jean then became public enemy number one. 

 

Eren warned Armin umpteen times that Jean was no good, and that Jean will hurt him, and that Jean didn't deserve him. But by that time, Armin was head-over-heels in love with Jean Kirstein and took no mind to his best friend’s advice. 

 

Jean had similarly fallen for Armin Arlert, despite Mikasa’s murderous glare every time he came within three metres of Armin, and Eren’s whispered death threats as they crossed paths in the hallways. Jean, being in a similar state of mind as Armin, also couldn't care less. 

 

Their true relationship started when they returned from an extremely unsuccessful mission. The Survey Corps had suffered major losses, and again, Eren's custody had to be reviewed by the higher ups. Armin had somehow made it back to Jean’s room. They lay together on the creaking wooden bed, tears occasionally escaping their eyes whilst they rethought their decision to join in the first place. Armin laid beside Jean, leaning against his chest, listening to the quiet thump of his heart – a melodic reassurance that he was still alive – and his occasional crying hiccups. Then they kissed. It just happened. One second they were crying, the next they were gazing into each other's tear-filled eyes, then they were kissing. It was chaste and sweet. Their lips fitted together perfectly like they had been crafted especially for one another by the universe, or fate, or something. Their first kiss ended too soon for either of their likings, but it was their silent acknowledgement that they were together, they had each other; right now that was all they could have. 

 

After that, they began holding hands when they were together, even in public. Kissing each other on the cheek between training exercises. Sitting beside one another at mealtimes. 

 

They were official. 

 

Eren and Mikasa eventually stopped threatening Jean, but Jean knew if he ever hurt Armin (which he would never dream of doing anyway), he wouldn't live to see the next day. I guess you could say Jean admired and appreciated their loyalty to the blond. He knew if anything ever happened to him, Eren and Mikasa would be there for his Armin, through thick and thin. 

 

God, Jean had fallen fast. 

 

Armin was in no better state. 

 

Months passed. Their kisses became more frequent and more passionate. Their hand holding turned into less innocent touches, but obviously not in public. They became that annoying couple who showed too many sickly sweet public displays of affection, much to Eren’s disapproval. 

 

“Can you two not be so in love around me, its creeps me out.” Was a common phrase used by Eren whenever they kissed around him. Normally, they did it solely to annoy him. 

 

A week before an impending mission, they lost their innocence to each other. It wasn't sexy, or hot, or incredible. It was awkward, and clumsy, and messy. Neither of them really knew what they were doing (however, they could only get better). And in their opinion, it was perfect. Sure, things didn't go as smoothly as they could have, but nothing in life ever does, especially their lives. All they cared about was that they were there, together, doing something incredibly intimate; allowing themselves to be completely vulnerable with the other. Staring into each other's eyes and kissing over and over again. All the while, making sure the other was comfortable and contented with their lustful act. They held each other with tenderness, adoration, and love. When they were finished, they entwined themselves in the others' embrace, and Jean pressed kisses on Armin's forehead repeatedly, which Armin endearingly giggled at. And it was so perfect. 

 

After, they confessed their statement of love. This became a routine: every time they were so intimate together, it would end with a confession of love, and they would fall to sleep intertwined after Jean had pressed kisses to Armin's forehead, and after Armin had giggled like an infant discovering laughter for the first time, of course. 

 

So that was their existence. The missions and training ate away at most of their energy and spirit, however, they always had each other. Each mission ended one of two ways: if it was inglorious and they suffered many casualties, they would lay in each other's embrace, spilling their emotion like the blood of their comrades had been spilled. Or, they would celebrate a successful mission by taking one another to bed, confessing their feelings in the throes of passion. Both were acts of compassion and love, and a small reassurance that they were both alive, they were both safe, they would both live to fight another day. 

 

The weeks leading up to humanities victory were tough. Gruelling, tense, distressing. They did it, though. They finally did it! After decades of failure and death and agony and pain, they had finally accomplished success. The world was not longer in fear of the humanoids who threatened their extinction. The euphoria of triumph almost made up for the melancholy grief and regret they faced every waking moment, due to the loss of their many, many comrades. 

 

The titans were gone. All except one. 

 

Eren. 

 

He was the titan-shifter the citizens knew about. Some called for his execution, as a martyr to humanity; others felt he deserved to see the world he had battled for. Eventually, Eren was given a choice: did he want to live for humanity, or die for humanity? And for once in his life, Eren Jaeger didn't fight back. He accepted his end gracefully and so much more calmly than anyone expected. But, just because Eren didn't fight against the initial ruling, it didn't mean everyone else would accept it. 

 

“I don't want to live anymore, knowing that I'm an outcast. Knowing that I could, at any moment, change into one of those monsters. Plus, what if we start a civil war? We only just achieved peace within the world, I don't want to cause a disruption amongst the people!” Eren always argued. 

 

Mikasa was distraught, as was Armin. As the date of Eren's execution drew closer, Armin and Mikasa spent almost every second by Eren's side. He was their best friend, their brother, their family. How could they lose him? 

 

How would they live without him? 

 

How would anyone live without him? 

 

(Even Captain Levi was outraged at Eren's decision. Despite it being Eren's choice, Levi thought he had failed the promise he'd made to protect Eren. The Captain was more affected by Eren's choice than anyone predicted he would be. Eren, after all, was in the original Squad Levi. Levi felt that he had not only failed Eren, but failed them too. Levi was about to lose the only remaining member of his squad, and with it, the precious memories Eren held of them. Losing Eren brought it all back to Captain Levi, the loss of those dearest to him. But this time it was not at the hands of the enemy, it was at the hands of those people his soldiers had lost their lives to save. It made him sick. Once the battle was over, he thought he'd never have to lose another comrade again, but he was about to lose the one – out of all his current squad, at least – he cared for the most. They had suffered the same pain, after all. Had the same pressure of belonging to humanity and being labelled so. Eren was the only one Levi could talk to as a friend, the only remaining person whose advice he could trust since the other veterans were dead (why couldn't Levi’s life have ended along with theirs?). Levi saw Eren as a brother in arms, as an equal, so he didn't argue against Eren's judgment much, despite feeling woeful of his choices.) 

 

Eren's death brought misery and bitterness to the survivors of war. He was always the loud, hot-headed fighter, whose eyes shone like emeralds, and looked like they could see into your soul. It was eerily quiet without him. The silence served as a constant reminder that he was gone. Mikasa, somehow, became more broken and withdrawn than before. She didn't receive comfort from anyone other than Armin. They had lost their brother. They were grieving. Pain and sorrow became permanent in their empty little lives. Mikasa, however, gradually began to accept Eren's decision; realising that now, he was at peace. He was no longer a bearer of the weight of being Humanity's Last Hope. If there was an afterlife, he would be reunited with his loved ones now, and those comrades who had fallen before him. Yet, the missing part of her heart stung every waking minute. She was sure Armin felt the same ache. 

 

Jean even hated the fact that Eren was no longer here. Despite never seeing see eye-to-eye, Jean cared for him more than he would ever admit. Eren was Armin's brother, despite them not being blood relatives. Armin loved Eren. And Jean loved Armin. 

 

“You'd better treat him right, Kirstein, or I will haunt you from beyond the grave. I swear.” 

 

Those were Eren's last words to Jean. As if he would ever mistreat Armin. Armin was Jean's personal salvation, his angel in a way, in this Hell on Earth they had been born into. 

 

Even when facing death, Eren still cared for others more. He guessed that's what made Eren so likeable and charismatic. Eren wanted Jean to take care of everyone in his place. Jean had little faith that he could do that. He wasn't a leader, he couldn't take Eren's place, everyone looked up to Eren. He was strong and determined and hopeful. Eren, himself, was a beacon of hope to those around him. Jean was nothing special. Jean was just simply Jean. 

 

Nevertheless, he was going to give it his best shot. He may not be able to console everyone, but he could make a start. His start was Armin. Before Eren's execution, and even more so after, Armin had been spending time coming to terms with losing his best friend. He wanted to comfort Mikasa, and she, in return, comforted him. Jean and Armin had grown apart. Jean knew he needed to give the blond some space, but the amount of space was unknown. Then Mikasa began to move on. The raven haired girl grew to accept Eren's decision. It still hurt like a bitch that he was gone, but ultimately, he wouldn't want her - or anyone else - to grieve for the rest of their lives over him. Armin simply didn't understand this. Despite being considerably smarter that everyone else, the blond didn't really handle feelings and emotions well. Especially pain. 

 

So he found himself stumbling to Jean’s door like he had numerous times in the past. When the two-toned male opened it, Armin practically threw himself into Jean’s arms. Jean shut the wooden door and proceeded to guide Armin over to the bed. Jean laid there with Armin sobbing into his shoulder, whilst he glided his fingers across the blond’s back in nondescript patterns, attempting to soothe his lover – or whatever he was now. Nonetheless, Jean still pressed sweet kisses to Armin's forehead, like he had done so many times previously. Only this time was different. Eren was gone, and so was Armin's laughter. 

 

Armin had kept most of his emotions bottled up, afraid to upset Mikasa further. So for weeks, he had disguised his true feelings, his true and utter anguish. Only to let the emotional walls break down for Jean. Jean would help him, Jean would comfort him. Despite being neglected of all Armin's affections over the past months, Jean's love never once wavered, even though their relationship may not be as it once was. Armin could tell by how Jean had just so easily let him into his embrace, after weeks of little to no contact with him. Armin could tell by the way Jean held him, and by the way his calming voice brought remedying words to his ears. 

 

“Its okay to cry, baby, I miss him too.” 

 

Or, “I'm right here, I promise I won't ever leave you.” 

 

Or the infamous, “I love you, Armin, so goddamn much.” 

 

Slowly, with the days spent comforting and reminiscing with Mikasa, and the nights spent locked tightly in Jean’s warm embrace (with those forehead kisses that were the blond’s weakness, even without showing his endearing laughter), Armin began to recover. The wound Eren's death left behind would never truly heal, but Jean would make the scar a lot less ugly. 

 

The fog that grief left behind eventually cleared, leaving those who escaped it to celebrate and honour Eren's life, and the sacrifices he made to save them. At the end of the day, if it weren't for Eren, they probably wouldn't be here today. So in adoration to his memory, they lived. They lived to see the world, explored as he wanted to do, reached the Ocean. That was his dream, but it brought it all back. 

 

Suddenly, instead of doing this for Eren, they were all thinking about why Eren wasn't among them, and that Eren dreamed of seeing this, and how much they wished Eren was here. 

 

Armin held onto Mikasa's hand tightly. The dark-haired girl gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. They stood in silence, both internally wishing their brother could see this, could be here with them, smiling brighter than the sun. But he wasn't, and their souls felt incomplete because of it. 

 

Mikasa soon let go of the blond’s hand, he wasn't sure why, but he was too enthralled by the beauty of nature before him, and the longing for his best friend, to bother looking to see where she was going. He knew Jean was beside him when he simply stated, “Eren should be here.” 

 

It took a moment for Jean to think of a reply, considering how he could console his boyfriend (it still felt strange calling Armin that). After a while, the larger male chose to simply agree – since it was the truth, Eren should be here, yet he chose not to be. 

 

“Yeah, he should.” 

 

“I miss him. And it hurts, will it ever stop hurting, Jean?” Armin's voice was unanticipatedly small sounding, and tears began to gather in his bright blue eyes, breaking down his deadpan mask. 

 

Jean was taken aback. He had no reply. Torn between telling a reassuring lie about the pain ending, or telling the shattering truth that, no, the hurt will never stop. Jean had lost Marco after all, too many years ago now, but the pain was still there. Furthermore, Eren had chosen not to oppose his death, Eren had a chance of being spared. Marco was murdered. How could Jean possibly compare the two? 

 

But in the end, lying could mean hurting Armin, and Jean never wanted to cause Armin any pain at all. Plus there was the lingering threat of Eren's ghost coming back to haunt him and Mikasa's remaining promise to end him; he could do without that in his life, thank you. 

 

“It gets easier, I suppose. But it never stops, not really. Although, that's okay. It's remaining proof of what he meant to you. Personal proof that he existed, and he meant something. That pain is his legacy, in a way. Part of him lives on through that pain, and wills you never to forget. It's something you can use to hold onto him, a living fragment of him. His memory.” Jean had no idea where that came from. One moment he's contemplating the idea of a ghost Eren, the next moment he's verbally vomiting about pain being a legacy. 

 

By this point, Armin is crying. Which left Jean wondering if this classed as Jean hurting Armin (therefore would he be needing protection from Mikasa, or the ghost version of Eren). 

 

It didn't take long for Jean to wrap his arms around Armin though. Armin was no longer small and meek, but he certainly couldn't surpass Jean's height or broad build. Jean began to trace indifferent patterns on his lovers’ back. Maybe Armin would never be free from the pain of losing his loved ones, but Jean would sure as hell make sure his life was filled with immeasurable amounts of love and affection, so the pain would be almost unnoticeable. Each sob that shook Armin's precious frame made Jean hold him just a little bit tighter. He hated seeing the blond like this. His sparkling blue eyes should be shining with joy at a new discovery, not shining with tears at a phantom of the past; it ripped holes into Jean's heart. 

 

Jean pressed an innocent kiss to Armin's forehead - like so many times prior to this moment, and instead of hearing a sob, something else made him squeeze Armin even tighter. Laughter. Jean never understood why his precious Armin would giggle at something as simple as a kiss on the forehead, but that sound was music to his ears. Armin had not voiced his adorable chuckle in months. Not since they announced Eren's execution probably. And, God, was it like beautiful music to his ears. Armin still had teardrops running down his flawless face, and even more threatening to escape from his pretty blue eyes, yet he was laughing. 

 

Perfect. 

 

Jean realised how lucky he was to have this amazing, gorgeously handsome, kind-hearted man by his side. Armin was his. That fact alone made Jean break out into the largest smile he could ever recall bearing. Yes, they were both broken beyond repair, but they would put each other back together the best they could. 

 

Armin swiftly wrapped his arms around Jean's neck, pulling him into a gentle kiss. Jean's hands were placed at the small of Armin's back, and at the back of this head, pulling the smaller male into his body more. Everything disappeared then. The bittersweet pain, the sound of the crashing waves, the slightly shocked gazes they were probably receiving. Nothing mattered but them. Armin's kiss was so delightfully sweet, Jean's heart hurt because of how much sheer love and tenderness he poured into it. Connected in total bliss, Armin's hands had found their way into Jean's hair, and Jean could swear someone whistled at them, still, they couldn't find it in themselves to care. 

 

They had their whole lives to care; had their whole lives ahead of them. They had a lifetime to kiss by the Ocean. A lifetime for Jean to give Armin forehead kisses, and a lifetime for Armin to wonderfully giggle at them. For Jean to lovingly stare at Armin when he thought Armin didn't notice it (Armin always did, though). For Mikasa to death glare Jean for deflowering her little brother. For people to whistle at them kissing in public. For them to lay flowers on Eren's grave every week, together. For Armin to spend time with Mikasa, like they would if Eren were with them. For Jean to visit Connie and Sasha, and babysit their kids so they could get a few hours alone (Jean was surprisingly good with children, despite never having any experience with them). For Jean and Armin to visit Captain Levi every so often, to see how he was getting on, and for him to insist, as usual, he was no longer their superior so please just call him Levi. For them to get a house by the Ocean and fill it with memories. For them to spend nights intertwined in their lustful embraces, and other nights just snuggled up lovingly next to each other. For Jean's mother to comment on how lucky Jean is to have Armin, and how much she likes Armin, and how endearing his angel-like appearance is – every single time they visit. For them to slowly grow old together, surrounded by their loved ones and friends. For them to tell their friends’ children about the battle with the titans, and about how brave their Uncle Eren was, how intimidating and off-putting Commander Erwin's initial speech had been on enrolment day, and how strong their Uncle Levi was when he saved their lives (yet another title Levi despised, or so he said). 

 

A heartfelt kiss by the Ocean, the anticipation of those events yet to come, and each other: right now, that was all they had, right now that was all they could have.

 

Hopefully, Eren was out there somewhere, making a comment about how disgustingly in love they are.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> (You can be a babe and leave a comment or kudos, if you want to.)


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